Long Road To Ruin.....AZ RoadTrip '08

Drop The Gloves

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Tonight is Game 5 of the Colorado Avalanche/Minnesota Wild (still a gay name) series. 3 of the 4 games that have been played so far have gone into overtime periods. The Wild, lucky bastards, have won 2 of those games. The Av's won the first game and dominated Game 4, destroying the Wild (still gay) 5-1. But really, this series could/should be over. The Wild (gay) have had several lucky bounces and goals that ended up winning them a few games. But tonight we go back to Minnesota (not gay) where the Wild (gay) will no doubt fall on their fat (gay) asses and find them selves coming back to Denver down 3-2 in the series.

There really isn't much more I can say other than I'm guaranteeing a Avalanche victory tonight. And a healthy victory is shall be. I'm gonna say 4-1. No overtime for the Wild (gay) tonight. Just a total ass stomping. Paul Stasny will have 1 goal and 2 assists tonight.

So grab a sixer of your favorite beer, put on your gear, turn the TV up real loud, and get ready for another great game. The puck drops @ 7 p.m. and the ass-whooping will start @ 7:01 p.m.

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Mike Haynes: The Voice of the Av's

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I just want to show some respect to a great man that constantly puts a smile on my face day in and day out. Mike Haynes with the Altitude Network, play by play announcer for the Avalanche, and on-air partner of Peter McNabb will undergo surgery on a Basilar Artery Aneurysm. His amazing on-air enthusiasm makes every game worth watching. He calls a great game every time and you can feel how passionate he is about the Av's. John Kelly, a former Av's announcer, will be paired up with McNabb once again to cover the playoffs.

So just know that all the Avalanche fans are with you and your family at this difficult time. Best Wishes and of course GO AV'S!


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WAR: Avalanche Vs. Wild

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Today it starts. The battle is officially over and the war has begun. The shock and awe campaign is about to begin while we start dropping nukes down upon the Minnesota Wild. And take my word for it, it's gonna be a great series. ESPN, and that fucking hack Barry Melrose, have picked the Wild to win in 6. I've got the Av's winning in 5.

At the end of February the Av's had 18 games left. I predicted that we'd win 14 of them. I was pretty close. We won 11, had 1 OTL (to MIN), and 6 loses. So we secured 23 points to take us to 6th in the conference. Minnesota did finish first in our division and 3rd overall, but just by the skin of their teeth. We also beat them in the last game of the regular season in the shootout. There's no doubt that the Wild (the worst mascot team name in the history of sports) are a talented team, coached by Jacques Lemaire, have an outstanding goalie in Backstrom and a great scorer out of Gaborik.

On paper I think both teams are pretty even. On the ice I might give the Wild the edge but for one reason only. Coaching. Lemaire is a great coach who demands his team play the style the he sees fit. Coach Joel Quenville, Coach Q, in my opinion has been less than brilliant when dealing with the Av's the past couple of seasons. He's a good coach and has been put to the test in terms of dealing with injuries and putting together lines this season. However, Coach Q does not have a very good post-season track record. If memory serves me correctly, the best that Coach Q has done was when the St. Louis Blues (the team he coached before coming to Colorado) was making it to the Western Conference Finals in 2001. Do you want to know what happened? The Av's destroyed them in 5 games.

To say the least this is going to be a great series. And to be truthful I couldn't imagine having to play San Jose, Detroit, or Anaheim in the first round. This is a team we know and a team we know we can beat. This is what we've been waiting for all year folks. The NHL playoffs are back and my boys, The Colorado Avalanche, are going to surprise a lot of people.


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For Love & Basketball: A Woman Scorned

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Well the NCAA Mens 2008 Tournament came to a close last night, and I'll be damned if we actually got to see a good game. The Final Four ended up being extremely disappointing. You'd think that 4 number 1 seeds would put on a good show, but it looked more like a varsity team beating up on the junior varsity team. No bueno.

So I was watching the game last night with the girlfriend and her roommates. Now this is a great story so stay with me. While helping Mer make dinner, one of the roommates was telling a story of her douche bag boyfriend who cheated on her over the past weekend. Keep in mind this is the first time that I've hung out with the roommates so I'm keeping my mouth shut and just listening. Fly on the wall sort of thing. So she's telling her roommates of the phone conversation that she's just had with Tim, or Todd, or whatever the fuck his name was. And she's going into details about all sorts of things that were just over my head, since I don't know either the roommate or the dirt bag ex-boyfriend. So I'm doing dishes and constantly filling up wine glasses, because that's just what I was doing. Okay so me in kitchen, girls on couch drinking wine, with the NCAA Championship game going on in the background. Got a good picture in your head? Good

So as the story continues the game begins and this is when the story gets good. Her ass clown ex-beau has Memphis winning the whole thing. So naturally, the scorned girlfriend is cheering for Kansas like a mad woman. Now I've successfully filled up the wine glasses enough were the other girls are into the game as well and cheering for Kansas to show their roommate support. Now if you saw the game, then you'll know Kansas was down, Memphis was missing free throws, and in the closing seconds Kansas shoots a terrific 3 pointer to send the game to overtime. You would have thought that we were sitting in Lawrence, Kansas long time Jay hawk fans the way these girls were cheering and freaking out in general. It was probably the most fun I've ever had watching a sporting event.

Overtime starts, wine glasses are topped off, girls sitting on the edge of their seats, and Kansas kicking ass and taking names. Now I took a few moments, during timeouts and what not, to take in the face of the scorned girlfriend. Priceless. I could almost read her mind. "You fucking ass hole. You're team is losing and God is granting me vengeance." With that evil sinister Lex Luthor sort of laugh I'm sure. All the while talking about how during overtime she should call her ex and continue the conversation about their relationship just so he couldn't watch the game. It was pure evil and pure genius.

Men gather round here and listen to me carefully. For the love of god we're all screw ups and bound to piss off our wives, girlfriends, lovers just because that's what we do and we do it quite well. For those of you that are avid sports lovers and support your teams to the end of the earth, hear me well. When your team really needs that win, make sure your woman is happy. God doesn't listen to any of my prayers, but she definitely listens to women when they ask for a sports disaster. I think that's probably why the Av's missed the playoffs by 1 point last year. This year, woman happy, Av's in playoffs.
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