"I'm white, I'm entitled, and a black man is stealing my show"

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I heard this on the radio this morning and was blown away. This is Rev. Michael Pfleger speaking @ Obama's church. It brings to light that Obama is very "green" when it comes to the sort of company he keeps. I'm still voting for him though.
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Really Creepy Sex Abuse PSA

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This is the weirdest PSA I've ever fucking seen. Be prepared to be grossed out. Stay Dialed In

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Drunk History - Red Riding Hood

Great shit. Drunk history is always funny. The one with Jack Black is funny as shit too.
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Election 2008: John McCain Sings Streisand

This is some pretty funny shit. Though I'm not a McCain supporter I think he makes a pretty good point. Worth the Watch. Stay Dialed In

My List: Redux

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I. Boom. To show you how serious I’m taking this “List War”, I’ve gone and done the unthinkable. That’s right bitch. Roman numerals. Boo ya.
II. Lets jump right into it shall we. “Sex & The City” the movie. What’s the deal with this? Now I’ll jump into the shark tank and reveal the fact that I’ve probably seen every S&TC, but that doesn’t mean that I support the notion of Carrie Bradshaw shagging all of New York on the big screen. The question that I think everyone is thinking is…where the hell is the “90210” movie? Are Brenda and Dylan ever going to get back together?
III. Jerry Seinfeld. Where the fuck has he been hiding? Maybe he’s the ring- leader of a racist cult, and Michael Richards was just testing out the waters for Jerry. I’m sure he’s doing his stand-up stuff, but come on! He’s one funny motherfucker. He gives the world his show for a decade and then poof. Just vanishes into his privately owed garage filled with Porches? Unacceptable. Though speaking of “Seinfeldian Theory”, the guy that played Newman isn’t fat anymore. Good for him.
IV. Shit. I’m only at IV. That’s 4 to those of you that are retarded. And I’ll be honest; I’m a little “iffy” on my current topics. But I’ll stick with it to the bitter end. I dare not admit defeat to some Gumby-ass wannabe like Jeremy. Best Video game of the year. Rock Band. Without a doubt. Now I don’t actually own the game, or the console, or the Internet access at home to download the cool new songs. Lucky for me, Ben does. And we kick ass. Jeremy doesn’t have any friends that actually invite him over so he never gets to play Rock Band. Boom. Score one point for me.
V. Back to BSG. I like where you’re going with Starbuck being a Cylon and telling Adama that she killed his son because he found out and blah blah blah. And I think they squashed my theory that the 5th is Adama’s dead son. So I’ve got a new one for you. It’s going to be Hera. The daughter of Athena (formerly Boomer). It’s like that Simpsons Murder Episode where they had a huge game trying to figure out who shot Burns. It ended up being Maggie. The one little yellow bastard in Simpson world you could over look. And considering that we haven’t seen or heard about Hera since late in season 3, I think this is a good bet. So there. BSG ripped off their idea from the Simpsons. Son of a bitch.
VI. I’ll tell what I love about Starbucks. And it’s not their coffee. It’s the fact that they are fucking everywhere. No matter where you go. They are easily rivaling McDonalds. Here’s the best part about them. Since they ARE everywhere a clean “public pooping” environment is always close at hand. We all know “PP” is usually a no bueno experience. Too many variables in play to make for a very unpleasant “PP”. But Starbucks, although usually crowded, has high standards which means their facilities are more than up to par for that emergency “PP”.
VII. I’m kind of wondering who the new face of the NRA is going to be. Since Charleston Heston died a few months ago, I just haven’t been that interested in keeping up with my NRA monthly newsletter of who the biggest asshole is. I’m thinking Drew Carrey, but I don’t know if his current schedule with the Price is Right would allow him to make all those meetings. On a side note if you didn’t see the video of Ron Paul at the last NRA conference you need to watch that shit. He says some fucked up shit about Obama and it’s not cool. If he ever drives through the ghetto I’m pretty sure he’s going to get the shit kicked out of him. Kind of like a Grand Theft Auto crime. Ask Ben, I’m sure he’ll fill you in on all the new GTA 4 hype.
VIII. My office is right next to the server room. Therefore my nipples are always hard as shit, because they have to blow cold air into that room to keep the server cold so it doesn’t get all shitty. And a guy with hard nipples jus doesn’t have the same affect. I wonder if in the gay community that’s a turn on. Well Jeremy, is it? Burn. Ha got one in there.
IX. I was playing Street Fighter II the other day. I beat the game. Wasn’t that hard. But as I was playing M. Bison I was wondering what the fuck the “M” stood for. Does anyone actually know? I’m guessing it stands for Milton, Mort, or Melvin. Can’t you see Mort Goldman’s face on the body of M. Bison fighting Ryu in the final stage of the game? “Oh please don’t throw that fire ball at me. I’m allergic to fire. Can’t we just talk about this over a nice game of Scrabble?” (Done in Mort’s voice of course).
X. So effectively I’ve wasted my entire morning on this list. I’m not quite sure how I feel about it or the response I’ll get from all my fans spread out across the world. Ha. I feel like it’s lacking that punch of total sarcasm that usually lays dormant in my blog posts. You’ll have to let me know what you thought. Now I have to go to Google images and find the perfect picture. That should take 20 minutes. Then I can go to lunch. I’m thinking a sandwich from Safeway may be involved.

The List: Jeremy's Response

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A quick note before you read this. Goddamn if Jeremy didn't out due himself and create a much better list than mine. In my own defense, I started the list just because I was bored and really didn't put too much thought into it. More of just a total ramble. But Jeremy did put one hell of a funny list together. But I'll re-evaluate, compose myself, and come back with some real winners. So without further ado, Jeremy's better list.

1) I've seen bits and pieces of Kevin Smith's blog (the only post I remember is the one where he gives his top 10 movies of the year, and I think that was last year), so while it's probably totally awesome, I still haven't subscribed (as the kids like to say).
2) I think top 10s are better than top 20s, and top 5s are better than top 10s, but only because you're really limited. It's like the difference between asking what you'd do with a quintillion dollars or $100,000. The latter seems so much more tangible and takes so much more thought. That said, however, I'll both respond and spit out some random shit over here in the same format.
3) I'm alright. The work week could be a bit nasty, but whatever. Life is fine and dandy.
4) Fuckin' money.
5) What?
6) I did. What? I mean Quoff? Sounds too much like the verb given to the action of air coming out of one's vagina. And by one, I mean James.
7) I think I've seen the latest BSG. Was it the one where they get to the base ship and jump back with it? By far the best episode so far. Finally, something worth thinking about. I mean, I don't mind the drama and all, but when questions about science, nature, the soul, the future of an intelligence explosion (do google searches for 'moore's law' or 'scientific singularity' and skim the wikipedia articles -- the terminator is coming bitch -- for shizzle... and the fucker might only have flowers, not guns), not to mention asking who the 5th is, what starbuck is going to do with the shit that the hybrid told her, etc., etc.... way better than drama-only. It's the reason we all love back to the future, or the matrix. So, yeah fuckin' yeah.
8) 2 weeks. Get out! (insert elaine-ish julia-louis-dryfus voice)
9) the 5th? Leaning more toward starbuck.... Think about this: Wouldn't it be a HUGE bang job if Starbuck starts saying shit like, "Yeah Adama, your son found out I was a cylon. I had to kill him. He was such a bad flier that it didn't take much, blah blah." I mean, Cylons use relationships to get 'in'. It's part of the programming, right? BOOM!
10) Pretty sure it's not Baltar. I just doesn't add up. He was on that ship for so long -- didn't he put his hand in the base ship's "red zone?" The relationship between the 6 and him is so much better if he's human and she's not. And, fuck, if he were a Cylon, why would they ever have needed to send a Cylon to seduce him?... yeah yeah yeah, he wouldn't have known he was a cylon, but it just seems like it would be bad story writing. Right? Or maybe I suck.
11) Lost is really good. I mean, what? refer to the last sentence of number 10.
12) I'm telling my mom you said that. For real.
13) You need to write down all the JQ classics and run with it. We're never going to remember this shit when we actually get it off the ground... damn it!
14) I can't believe you made it to 14. I can't believe I'm still going. I have to shit and I'm pretty tired. If an RW is needed, I'll just take a shower.
15) It's probably stupid, but if I need 45 in 301, I shoot for trip 15s. Then, If I hit a single 15, I go for double 15. If I miss the board, I do it again on the third dart (if i miss on the third and hit say a 2, I'll keep going for that fucker, because anything I hit won't put me over really). If the second dart was a 10, then it's back to the easy target of 20, and you're sittin' pretty for a win or the next round.
16) Can't say I've listened to any of the Indy hype. I think I'm going to wait until I get the prognosis of a few key people, yourself included, before making the plunge. I think I'll know then if it's worth the ticket price or if it's a wait-er after a phone conversation or few.
17) Batman. Yeah... it's another of those wait and see flics tho'. Movies have been disappointment after disappointment for me. After seeing that MPAA documentary I can't help but think that we are shit off the platter that is quite a bit stankier than it needs to be.
18/19) Ass to mouth... what does his chick-to-be say afterward?... you SOMETIMES can go ass to mouth. About 20 people told me to never see Clerks 2. I watched it for the first time about a year ago. It wasn't that bad. I actually thought it was pretty good, especially given everyone's 2nd-time-you-see-it theory.
20) And, well, now it's pooping time. I will talk to your ass in a couple.
rocket,
jeremy

The List

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Jeremy,

first of all I got a couple cool things for you.
1.) You gotta check out Kevin Smiths blog (attached to my reader). He's funny shit
2.) How the hell are you doing?
3.) I don't think that I'm heading up near the Fort this weekend. For a couple of different reasons, but mainly a $ thing.
4.) I hate the $ thing
5.) http://www.go.dlr.de/wt/dv/ig/icons/funet/viz2.gif

6.) See #5
7.) Holy shit what did you think of BSG? Please tell me that you're caught up. I know you can watch it on-line already so you better have fucking watched it.
8.) The thing that blows, 2 weeks before a new BSG.
9.) Who do you think the 5th cylon is?
10.) I've narrowed it down to Starbuck, The Prez, Lt. Gayda (not sure if that's how you spell his name but the guy who had his leg chopped off), Baltar, & your mama. Oh Burn. Bet you didn't see that one coming.
11.) How's LOST coming. Oh that's right. You're a total lame ass.
12.) I'm gonna ask your mom to marry me. Oh burn twice in one email. Holy Shit.
13.) I think we should corner the market on "I farted in your cereal" T-shirts. Another JQ classic.
14.) Can you believe I made it to 14?
15.) See 14 but add 1
16.) New Indy movie this week. What's your prognosis?
17.) New Batman trailer kicks balls
18.) "You never go ass to mouth" is my gmail chat custom message
19.) That's from Clerks II, which if you haven't seen it gets better every time you watch it.
20.) I'm just killing time. I feel that I've a.) done enough work today b.) done enough work to feel that I should go home c.) and done enough work today to goof off writing a bull shit email to you while having my ass handed to me in hearts by the fucking computer.

21.) I put you to the test to try and come up with a list of 20 things that I'm sure that I won't care about.

Cheers,

James

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BARACK

Just worth your time. Thanks to Ben for sending it my way. Stay Dialed In

Future Uncertain

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So we ended up beating the Wild in 6 games. Then we played fucking Detroit. And the worst part of all this, is the fact I have to say this: Detroit is one hell of a team. We got our asses handed to us and looked like the local pee-wee team. No bueno.

The team is waiting on Joe Sakic to find out if he is going to play again next year. I think that he will. Same with Forsberg. He might be a little bit more up in the air, due to his chronic "Pussidus" but he'll probably be back in Colorado wearing good old #21. Who knows about Foote. But I get the feeling like we're gonna have to trim a little fat to get a younger, faster, grittier team for next season.

One thing that is making me feel better, is the fact that Detroit is kicking the crap out of the Dallas Stars at the moment. Currently, they (RedButtHoles) are up 3-0 on Dallas. On the Eastern conference front, Pittsburgh is up 3-0 on the Flyers in a battle for Pennsylvania. The best thing for the sport of hockey and the NHL, would be to have a Red Wings/Pittsburgh Stanley Cup Finals. It kills me to have to say that.The Avalanche management finally pulled their heads out of where ever, and fired Coach Joel Quenville (Coach Q). In my opinion, this was long over due. I've never liked Q, his coaching style, or the fact that he was our coach. Also no bueno. Now we just have to find a new coach. Who will it be? The rumors are circulating around Pat Burns. I don't know too much about him, other than he is a former NHL coach and is widely respected.

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Gary and His Girls

Random Defense Game

This is a great game to waste away your f&^%ing work day. Enjoy.

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The Friend That Always Lets You Down

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Do you have that one friend who you is constantly letting you down? You know. The kinda friend were you are always the one making the effort. Driving to where they live, buying their drinks because they "forgot" their wallet at home, driving them home because they got too drunk. That sort of thing?

Well, I have a friend like that. In fact he's one of my best friends. But all in all, I'd have to call him a real son of a bitch. Well, he's been a real ass hole this week. I sent him an emergency text message last night. He never responded. And let me tell you it was really important. He could have really helped me out of a social jam. Instead, he hung me out to dry. He might as well have given me a "dirty sanchez" to top it off.

So to that dear, dear friend of mine, and yes Jeremy I'm talking about you, all I have to say is.........


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